Oh my what a quandary. Finding time for a personal life when you are a single parent with a parent who requires your help, is there such a thing? Yes there are many super women out there who have done this and much more. But I am no superwoman. I am simply trying to find my way.


I have a friend who, since I have known her, had to take care of her suddenly ill mother and aging father, two teenagers, and a husband. I admired her from afar for many years. She did it with such grace and determination. I used to wonder what would I do in that situation?

Well as things have it, America was hit with a recession and I was hit first almost 8 years ago. So my career took a left turn when it should have gone right, I made some decisions that are in hindsight regrettable, and have been on a journey of self discovery ever since. I decided to have a baby and also to return home, temporarily. Or so I thought.

In the three years since my son was born I have had a several very good contracts. After my last contract I was left feeling unfulfilled. I began to rethink my career path. I just didn’t like the people who were leading these departments. I stepped back and took a part-time job that was being supplemented by unemployment compensation. (TMI I know) It is in a field that I absolutely love. But as time goes on I realize that I just couldn’t afford this indulgence.

The hammer fell a year ago when my mother fell ill. She recovered, fortunately, but I realized that I needed to be close to home. The flexibility that my current position offers me allowed me to walk out and go to my mother without any repercussions. They understood. Unlike my last contract, when my mother was having surgery and I told them I would work remotely, they hesitated. As if I needed their permission.

Back to my quandary. What does a superwoman-in-training do? I am sure that I could find another high paying position in another town. But I cannot leave my mother and she refuses to consider living somewhere else (with me not in a home). So how does the sandwich generation make a go of it?

It is insanely difficult living as a grown woman in your mother’s home trying to raise a child using some modern techniques. Being respectful but still taking control over major decisions. My mother is full of her usual zest for life but only it is limited to the walls within our domicile. How do you convince someone who has lived many years full of zest and zeal that she needs to get off the couch and go outside and breathe fresh air? But all of that is what it is and I have no real control over her, the real questions comes down to how do I make time to find my life? My few hours that are free from work and my son are filled with her doctor’s appointments and house cleaning. When I do have some unaccounted for time I find that I need to sneak out. I hide what I am doing with vague answers like “I have errands”. I feel like a teenager.

How do I introduce the idea that I am going to start dating? How do I get past the looks of skepticism when I bring home a man that makes me giggle like a school girl? I am not asking about how to introduce my son to the people I date, because that is not going to happen. But how do I deal with my mother? Again I feel like a teenager.

There are lots of sayings that warn daughters to their futures. One that always made me laugh is “ a daughter is a daughter all of her life and a son is a son until he takes a wife” and the second is that two women can’t live together as women, one must be the child. So where does that leave me? Full of questions on how I am going to make my way to romance and fun time. But most importantly, beyond all of the issues, pouting, sulking and hiding, is that I am so very grateful that my mommy is still here for me to have all of these quandaries over.



Have a Latte-Licious day!

First Dates For Dummies

I have had a boyfriend almost constantly since I was 14 with lots of fun in between. So why am I writing about Dating for Dummies? Because I have never really dated and may be doing it wrong. Hard to believe I know. There was a line in the movie Drumline where the lead female character tells Nick Cannon that “Southern girls don’t date they have boyfriends”. That stood out at me immediately. Don’t get me wrong I went out with my boyfriends regularly. We did lots of things together- movies, dining, travelling.


I had serious relationships and ones that were a little more “relaxed”.

Now that I am embarking in this online dating endeavor I have to figure out what to do on a date. I already know what not to talk about, like ex-husbands or boyfriends. Things not to do, like pick your nose or eat off of your date’s plate. But what are you supposed to reveal on a first date? How long should you hold your crazy in before you reveal her? How forward should you be about seeing him again? Demure or extrovert? Oh so many damned questions.

Clearly I am not professing to be any kind of expert on this subject, but I have had a boyfriend for the past 20 something years. So I should know something.



I went on a date last week with a guy that I thought would remind me of Mr. Big from Sex and the City (kind of but not really-anyway). It was not a planned first date. He had a cancelled business meeting and we decided to meet for coffee. We talked for over 2 hours. I did all of the things I have read to do, not talking too much, listening, asking questions and appearing interested. He seemed really interested and connected. We had to end the date abruptly, the café closed, and we said a quick goodnight. I got in my car and he in his. I called his cell when I got home to make sure that he got home safely. However, I have not heard back from him. Quel horreur!

The jury is still out on whether or not there is even a slight chance of a relationship. But I know what went wrong for me. We spoke easily and laughed a lot. But the conversation centered more around general events and philosophies than entering anything really personal. I am not saying that we needed to uncover any deep secrets (again keep that crazy in) but the conversation didn’t get personal enough to even approach any kind of flirtation. Don’t get me wrong I know some personal things about him, but I am not sure that it is any more than a close coworker might know.

On the other hand I went on a date about a year ago with a guy who proclaimed to be very interested. We talked and flirted over a drink. We went outside under the guise of having to leave so that we could go home and get some sleep because it was a work night. But we kept on talking for another 4 hours. I know some very intimate details about his life. There was definite flirting. 9 months later and we still haven’t had a second date. He knows that I am interested and open to all possibilities (hint hint). But we just have not connected. He professes to still be interested. But what went wrong here? Am I a bad first date?

Ladies and Gentlemen, what say ye? Is it me? DO I not know the dating rules? Am I forgetting to mention something important like I am single, disease free, and have my own mad money? No it really comes down to chemistry. You may not have love at first sight, but you do need to have a spark. And once you feel that spark the conversation should be easy. There should probably be some kind of physical contact. Hand to hand, hand to arm, maybe even a hug when parting. Should there be more? Well as a consenting adult I don’t say no. I have consulted with lots of men friends. Both married and single, and the majority agreed that if the attraction is there they do not hold it against a woman if they kiss or get more intimate on the first date. I would not really recommend more than kissing. Only because you need more time to explore sexual health issues and history. Always be safe.

So where did my dates go wrong? The first one from last year, I am still hopeful to get something going. It may be more curiosity and competitiveness then true love. As for last week’s date, the jury Is still out. If he calls I may try it again. But either way I am still searching for my next first date and possibly my last first kiss.

Online dating

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I have heard all kinds of criticisms about the people that use dating websites. But I am not sure that they are any different than the people I encounter in everyday life. I have met nice guys, freaks, weirdos, gays, lesbians (straight men that wanted to be women and date women), potentially homicidal maniacs, and general liars. So why not try an online dating site that has been around for years? I actually know a couple of people that have even married the men that they met. Are they happier then the people that met their husbands/wives at the club or gym or church? The jury is still out. But I will tell you they had far less drama. Each party knows what they are in it for- companionship, marriage, or just a booty call. It's clear and straight forward. So all that being said I have created a profile on a popular site to see who I can meet.

The profile is the most interesting part of the process. This is where you answer a series of questions that make you decide what is that you really want. I am not sure that everyone is sure about that. Do you really know what is important to you in a mate? Are you still stuck on the ideal that you developed from watching too many Meg Ryan movies? I am sure that as we get older our priorities change. Do we still look for that guy that is so darned handsome he could be Mr. America or do we overlook the overbite and comb-over for stability? I know those are both extremes, but when you change your criteria do you feel like you are settling?

Of course there is the part of the profile that talks about who you are? Are you really prepared to call yourself big and beautiful? I am not, I will stick with curvy. It's true! Do you really know what you are interested in or are you just checking all of the boxes? Can you honestly answer the personality assessment? I took the time just to see what they think of me. I am an Explorer. Good? Don't know yet. But I do know that I am an extrovert from previous work related assessments. So where do you go with that? I took a couple of hours to really think about what I want. I was a little surprised. My ideals have changed since I was 20 and even more so since I was 30.

But I think that for 2010 this will be another project. I vow to be open and willing to explore. However, just as dating someone that you meet on the street or through mutual friends, you must do your due diligence. Not that I don't believe what a person tells me, I know that we all tend to be something a little different when we meet someone new. My new year’s resolution in 2006 was to accept people for who they show me that they are through their actions and words.

Well campers the next step is up to Mr. Right. The anxiety builds, supposed noone wants to wink at me? What if noone is interested? What will I do. I promise to keep you informed oif my progress. But until then, let me know what you thin kon the subject.

Thanks a Latte for reading!

Have Café Day!

New Year New View

The year is 2010. I spent  alot of 2009 exploring social networking. I had resisted the media previously, dismissing it as juvenile and voyeuristic. But it proved useful in a variety of ways. I was able to reconnect with high school friends after decades and I found my literary exhibitionist. So here I am creating my first blog post.
I have been wanting to write a book for several years on a variety of topics. I figure that with my ADD and procratsination issues a blog may be the only way. I watched a good friend of mine take the blogging world by storm, passing on his amazing wealth of knowledge on his favorite subject. Using him as inspriation, I hope to entertain you all with my many stories about coffee and people.

About me you say. I have been alot of things in my lifetime, but one thing that I have always been is a coffee drinker/lover. I love coffee. I work in the industry. Eating, drinking, and breathing the elixir everyday since I was probably 3. My mother can tell lots of stories about coffee and me. From her decision to send me to school because my Grandmother and I spent the afternoons drinking coffee and watching soaps. I was 4. To our cross country car trip and she would order  a glass of milk and a cup of coffee. The milk was for her and the coffee for me. I was 5. I currently own 6 coffee makers. I rotate them based on the type of coffee I may be brewing. Is that normal? It is in my world.

So join me on my adventure in coffeeworld.