I had serious relationships and ones that were a little more “relaxed”.
Now that I am embarking in this online dating endeavor I have to figure out what to do on a date. I already know what not to talk about, like ex-husbands or boyfriends. Things not to do, like pick your nose or eat off of your date’s plate. But what are you supposed to reveal on a first date? How long should you hold your crazy in before you reveal her? How forward should you be about seeing him again? Demure or extrovert? Oh so many damned questions.
Clearly I am not professing to be any kind of expert on this subject, but I have had a boyfriend for the past 20 something years. So I should know something.
I went on a date last week with a guy that I thought would remind me of Mr. Big from Sex and the City (kind of but not really-anyway). It was not a planned first date. He had a cancelled business meeting and we decided to meet for coffee. We talked for over 2 hours. I did all of the things I have read to do, not talking too much, listening, asking questions and appearing interested. He seemed really interested and connected. We had to end the date abruptly, the café closed, and we said a quick goodnight. I got in my car and he in his. I called his cell when I got home to make sure that he got home safely. However, I have not heard back from him. Quel horreur!
The jury is still out on whether or not there is even a slight chance of a relationship. But I know what went wrong for me. We spoke easily and laughed a lot. But the conversation centered more around general events and philosophies than entering anything really personal. I am not saying that we needed to uncover any deep secrets (again keep that crazy in) but the conversation didn’t get personal enough to even approach any kind of flirtation. Don’t get me wrong I know some personal things about him, but I am not sure that it is any more than a close coworker might know.
On the other hand I went on a date about a year ago with a guy who proclaimed to be very interested. We talked and flirted over a drink. We went outside under the guise of having to leave so that we could go home and get some sleep because it was a work night. But we kept on talking for another 4 hours. I know some very intimate details about his life. There was definite flirting. 9 months later and we still haven’t had a second date. He knows that I am interested and open to all possibilities (hint hint). But we just have not connected. He professes to still be interested. But what went wrong here? Am I a bad first date?
Ladies and Gentlemen, what say ye? Is it me? DO I not know the dating rules? Am I forgetting to mention something important like I am single, disease free, and have my own mad money? No it really comes down to chemistry. You may not have love at first sight, but you do need to have a spark. And once you feel that spark the conversation should be easy. There should probably be some kind of physical contact. Hand to hand, hand to arm, maybe even a hug when parting. Should there be more? Well as a consenting adult I don’t say no. I have consulted with lots of men friends. Both married and single, and the majority agreed that if the attraction is there they do not hold it against a woman if they kiss or get more intimate on the first date. I would not really recommend more than kissing. Only because you need more time to explore sexual health issues and history. Always be safe.
So where did my dates go wrong? The first one from last year, I am still hopeful to get something going. It may be more curiosity and competitiveness then true love. As for last week’s date, the jury Is still out. If he calls I may try it again. But either way I am still searching for my next first date and possibly my last first kiss.
