I have a friend who, since I have known her, had to take care of her suddenly ill mother and aging father, two teenagers, and a husband. I admired her from afar for many years. She did it with such grace and determination. I used to wonder what would I do in that situation?
Well as things have it, America was hit with a recession and I was hit first almost 8 years ago. So my career took a left turn when it should have gone right, I made some decisions that are in hindsight regrettable, and have been on a journey of self discovery ever since. I decided to have a baby and also to return home, temporarily. Or so I thought.
In the three years since my son was born I have had a several very good contracts. After my last contract I was left feeling unfulfilled. I began to rethink my career path. I just didn’t like the people who were leading these departments. I stepped back and took a part-time job that was being supplemented by unemployment compensation. (TMI I know) It is in a field that I absolutely love. But as time goes on I realize that I just couldn’t afford this indulgence.
The hammer fell a year ago when my mother fell ill. She recovered, fortunately, but I realized that I needed to be close to home. The flexibility that my current position offers me allowed me to walk out and go to my mother without any repercussions. They understood. Unlike my last contract, when my mother was having surgery and I told them I would work remotely, they hesitated. As if I needed their permission.
Back to my quandary. What does a superwoman-in-training do? I am sure that I could find another high paying position in another town. But I cannot leave my mother and she refuses to consider living somewhere else (with me not in a home). So how does the sandwich generation make a go of it?
It is insanely difficult living as a grown woman in your mother’s home trying to raise a child using some modern techniques. Being respectful but still taking control over major decisions. My mother is full of her usual zest for life but only it is limited to the walls within our domicile. How do you convince someone who has lived many years full of zest and zeal that she needs to get off the couch and go outside and breathe fresh air? But all of that is what it is and I have no real control over her, the real questions comes down to how do I make time to find my life? My few hours that are free from work and my son are filled with her doctor’s appointments and house cleaning. When I do have some unaccounted for time I find that I need to sneak out. I hide what I am doing with vague answers like “I have errands”. I feel like a teenager.
How do I introduce the idea that I am going to start dating? How do I get past the looks of skepticism when I bring home a man that makes me giggle like a school girl? I am not asking about how to introduce my son to the people I date, because that is not going to happen. But how do I deal with my mother? Again I feel like a teenager.
There are lots of sayings that warn daughters to their futures. One that always made me laugh is “ a daughter is a daughter all of her life and a son is a son until he takes a wife” and the second is that two women can’t live together as women, one must be the child. So where does that leave me? Full of questions on how I am going to make my way to romance and fun time. But most importantly, beyond all of the issues, pouting, sulking and hiding, is that I am so very grateful that my mommy is still here for me to have all of these quandaries over.
Have a Latte-Licious day!
