Ok we all know that I have thrown my hat back into the dating ring. Well I just found out (imagine my surprise) that there seems to be an extremely limited pool of eligible black men with education and economic levels that match mine, according to media sources. They may be right, but this is not new information for single black women. It should not be a surprise for white America either given the overall inequities among education and poverty levels in this great country. Read the paper or watch the nightly local news or even watch a music video and see what our pool of eligibles looks like. That is not to say that I have not had the pleasure of being involved with educated and financially successful beautiful black men. Just as many toads as frog princes.I decided to open my wading pool to include more diversity. Why not, black men did it a long time ago. I am going beyond traditional race and religion to include diversity of age, height, hair, career level, or even common interest. That is the advice that these articles have been giving. According to these articles it appears that black women are the most race loyal group out there. Is that fair or even accurate? I see more people together who look alike than don’t.
I have taken the time to read some profiles on a well known dating site and I have been flabbergasted at the exclusion of African American/Black women by AA/Black men in the search criteria. There are plenty of men, black or otherwise, that are checking the box, and even more that don’t check any box, But I always feel a little something guttural when I see a person of any ethnicity purposefully eliminate the AA/Black box. Everyone has a preference. That’s the nature of humans. But are men put off by black women based on the many stereotypes that are put forward on TV?
I attended 2 colleges in pursuit of my degrees. They were such polar opposites. One was the picture of diversity and the other, let’s just say, was not, But what they had in common were some of the smartest, gifted, diverse minded group of young talented black women in the country. So why are their images not what we see in the media? Or hell, in our own produced visual vehicles? (By the way I have never said “girlfriend” anything) I hold a graduate level degree. I held of having children so that I could gain many life experiences. I am well travelled, well read, and pretty open minded. So why is there no version of me dancing around in the single ladies video? Just joking on that one.
So are we being denied relationships based on a media image? If a guy reads my profile and sees that I have a child, what are his thoughts? Is she on welfare, does she have baby daddy drama? Is she just looking for someone that take care of her kid? Does she carry the baggage from her failed relationships of the past? Is he able to see that I am an overeducated, loving, well read woman? Or does he envision someone living a Madea tragedy? Oh are they comedies? Even scarier does he think I am some video ho straight out of a Little Wayne (everyone knows I hate him) musical assault?
All of this brings me back to dating outside of my comfort zone. See my comfort zone includes a man that is attracted to me and attractive to me, who shares similar interest, and activities. It doesn’t really matter what color skin the package is wrapped in because frog princes’ just need that one magical kiss.
In my next installment I will tell you where that got me.
Have Latte-Licious Day!
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